Neurodiversity, Breastfeeding, Parenting, and all the Crying| Part 1- What is Neurodiversity?
“Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don’t fit in boxes.”
In my practice I believe it is so important to not put anyone in a box, neither children nor their parents.
We are all so uniquely different in many ways: we learn differently, function differently, respond to our children differently, have different personalities, quirks, values, strengths and weaknesses. Today I want to talk about Neurodiversity and the relationship it can play when it comes to your relationship with your child.
Who is considered Neurodiverse? Neurodiverse individuals are those with differences in mental executive function. These disorders may include Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Dyslexia, Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia and Tourette Syndrome (TS).
When my first daughter was born it quickly became clear this little sweet girl that had just entered our lives was full of fire! She also had many issues with feeding including reflux, food protein-induced enterocolitis syndrome (FPIES), and likely some oral structure issues as well. She was fussy… fussy may be an understatement! It did not take long for my mental health to suffer. I struggle with Sensory Processing Disorder. I had difficulty as a new mom processing all the new input in my environment and coping with all the crying!
Babies are absolutely everything: rainbows, sunshine, and butterflies. However, babies ALSO cry, scream, grunt, wiggle, kick, vomit, and sometimes they want to nurse all. the. time! Even for parents that are neurotypical this can be a huge life adjustment for both moms and for dads! Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark of neurodiversity. This is defined as difficulty controlling one’s emotions. It becomes tough to control big feelings. It can feel like the world is ending and thoughts can become very dark and even suicidal in nature.
Thankfully there are small steps and changes that can help make breastfeeding, parenting, and all the crying more tolerable! Read Part 2 of my Blog Post on my top tips to help manage coping with all these big feelings. I’ll share my number one MOST important tip here now!
Tip 1: You are allowed to take a break from your baby!
It is okay, I promise! In my perinatal mental health planning visit we plan in order to prevent. Planning and prevention is powerful and so important. When a parent is neurodiverse, overwhelm comes on much more quickly and it is important to have a plan for what to do when we are alone with our babies. It is reasonable to have a safe space to place your baby when you need a moment: crib, pack n’ play, play yard. Even if your baby is upset, overtired, or hungry, it is okay to put your baby down and walk away. They may even pick up a new self-soothing technique while you are gone! Hooray! Go in the bathroom, go in the garage, or go in your bedroom and close the door. Take ten deep breaths through your nose, scream, jog in place, do jumping jacks. All these activities will help you regulate your emotions. Your baby will be OKAY! Have a friend or family member who you can text or call in these moments. Plan this ahead of time so they know they are your support person. Just knowing you have this plan can help reduce stress. You can even create a code word so all you have to do is text that word instead of trying to explain the situation. Creating this plan is powerful!
